3.25.2015

adjusting expectations.

When Brenton and I got married over 3 years ago, we had many conversations about the roles we would have. Things like who would do the yard work and who would be in charge of the laundry. Another important decision we made was that I would be a stay at home mom. It was the desire of both of our hearts.

Well, that day came. My main job is now to be a mom. I have my freelance work on the side, but Isaiah is my number one priority.

This has been a shock to my system an adjustment. And honestly, has caused some tension between Brenton and I.


The apartment we lived in when we first got married was just down the street from the YMCA. On Saturday mornings we would get up early and go workout together. We usually did the yoga class (yes, my husband did yoga), and then we would go home and make a big breakfast.

Fast forward 3 years and 1 baby later. Brenton still really enjoys working out. So a couple of weeks ago, he asked if he could go workout for a couple of hours sometime on Saturday.

My response was, "are you kidding me?"

You see, I have a newborn. I don't leave the house often and my schedule is completely dependent on his nursing schedule. I have lost my freedom to get up and go. Brenton on the other hand has not, and this bugged the snot out of me. And I was a big fat meanie head and let him know just how unfair it was.

I had the expectation in my head that Brenton would have to make the same sacrifices I was as a new mom/parent. He would have to get up in the early hours of the morning with me, haul a car seat around, not shower for a couple of days, drink lots of coffee (ok we do that anyways), function with only a couple hours of sleep and completely loose his freedom.

In my mind... it needed to be FAIR.

But the reality is, Brenton has also made sacrifices. Different sacrifices. He gets up early in the morning and works really hard to provide for us. He makes money so we can buy diapers and food and live in a beautiful home. And he deals with his hormonal wife.

I'm sure there are days he is frustrated that he has to rush off to a busy day of meetings while I sit cuddling our son.

Marriage is never really fair. It's about compromising and doing things for the other person. How much more wonderful would our relationship be if we became more concerned with how we could help lighten the other person's burdens?!

So I have adjusted my expectations. They are realistic and not based on fairness.
Parenting is a team effort. I don't want to spend my time counting tallies and waiting to be served, but rather serving my husband and trying to lighten his load.

I am learning.

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